A letter to the people who tell me how “lucky” my sons are to be fostered/adopted by me:

Dear grandma/lady in the grocery store/waitress/co-worker/acquaintance who thinks that my sons are “so lucky” to be adopted/fostered by me,


Were you lucky when you were born and your parent or parents raised you, loved you, and cherished you as their wanted and beloved child? No, you weren’t? They were just doing what they were supposed to do for you, an innocent child? Exactly.

Are you implying that my children are some sort of burden that I’ve taken on? Are you saying that my sons are some sort of throwaway kids who are lucky to have the basic comforts of a home and family that is a given for so many other people, a basic human right? Debbie-from-the-suburb’s kids are not lucky to have her, it’s just assumed that they deserve all that they’ve been given, but my kids are lucky? How does that work exactly?


Also, who do you think I am, some sort of white savior saint mom who is patient and kind and great at this motherhood thing all the time? Because you can ask my teenager and he will tell you that I’m definitely not. What are my kids so lucky to have, my short-tempered-when-I’m-tired-which-is-all-the-time personality, my borderline OCD about other people’s housekeeping habits, or my twenty-something mom finances which are distinctly lower middle class, like way lower?


You know what’s lucky? Being born to a parent or parents who can care for you without neglecting or abusing you, who are substance free and ready to welcome you into their lives like the blessing that you are. Children who have been given that privilege are lucky, they are so much luckier than my kids, who have had to fight tooth and nail to survive from the second they arrived in this unforgiving world, the odds stacked so high against them.


The only person who’s lucky is you, that I didn't curve you to your face for saying something so dumb right in front of my kid.


And me? I’m the luckiest one of all, because I was chosen to parent these awesome kick-ass boys who have fought their way through hell and back and are now the cutest, toughest, most incredible kids on earth.


I’m so, so damn lucky to be their mom.

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