There's always going to be another excuse.
To think less than.
Sometimes it's valid. She may have hurt your child, terribly and in multiple ways, for many years.
Sometimes it's not. Maybe she's drowning deep in the ocean of addiction, and you're judging her for being stuck in that dark struggle that scares you.
There's always going to be a reason that makes you feel okay about not recognizing your child's first mother.
But that doesn't mean you should accept those reasons.
10 years and some months ago, a woman much braver than I am was making a choice. She had just found out that she was extremely sick with leukemia. She was also pregnant with the precious life that would become our son, Julian. He was a wanted baby, and she had a choice to make: Treatment for herself, or life for the baby that she wanted to meet?
She had a little daughter who needed her. She was only 28 years old. If I was her, I really don't know what I would've done. She chose to carry Julian to term before starting treatment. When he was 8 months old, she died, the cancer using its considerable head start to grow faster than treatments could keep up with.
I'll never get to talk to her, the woman who made my son and saved his life, gave him his big brown eyes and toothy smile. I'll never get to tell her all of the things I want to say, about how beautiful he is and how much he makes us laugh, how much I admire her bravery and strength during that time when she was pregnant with him. I'll never get to tell her how grateful I am that she brought this gorgeous boy into the world, and I'll never get to share with her that being his mother is my greatest joy. I don't get to see her smile when I tell her that he's safe and loved always. She's gone from this world forever, and I'll never get the chance to tell her how much she means to Julian and to us.
But YOU might have that chance.
So, if you have a phone number or an email address or ANY way to contact your children's first mothers this mother's day, please do it. Tell them how beautiful and loved their children are. Congratulate them on bringing such amazing people into this world. Let them know you're thinking of them, and please don't let judgements or past mistakes get in the way of these women being recognized. With love, there can be room for all of us mothers to share this special day.
Stacy, there's so much I wish I could tell you! Our son is so special and we love him so much. I'm so sorry that you had to go, but I'm so grateful to you for creating him and sustaining his life. We think of you all the time. I hope that wherever your spirit is, you can feel our love.
Happy Mother's Day.